What Is Hyper Independence and Trauma

“I am okay, I don’t need help, I can do it on my own.”
“I don’t need anyone for anything”
Are you one of those people who are extremely independent and do not like being
associated with anyone? Mostly in our lives, we prefer to view independence as a strength
and being dependent on someone as a weakness. Anything that’s done to an extreme can be
harmful to us, similarly, this belief can lead to overcompensation for independence. This is
where Hyper independence comes, it is how much of a good thing can also be bad for you.
There are times when people might feel they are unable to tackle all the challenges in their
life on their own, and this is okay.
An individual who is hyper-independent will always avoid asking for help from anyone and
will prefer doing everything on their own. This can look like this:
Taking on too much can be mental and physical. This can also lead to other complications.
Having trouble delegating tasks, you don’t like assigning tasks to anyone, or being in charge
of delegating them.
Doing everything on their own, again you prefer doing everything how you like and prefer.
Hyper independence can also be related to or caused by previous trauma. According to the
(American Psychological Association), trauma is an emotional response to a tragic accident.
These events can either be generational events or isolated incidents. Hyper independence
is the opposite of effective dependence and both conditions have childhood trauma as a
common element.
People who go through any sort of trauma might also feel that they do not deserve help and
support from anyone else. They might have neglected support in the past or are being told
that it’s not okay to ask for help due to which now they become hyper independent
avoiding that needs at all. Hyper-independency can also develop as an effort to survive. But,
simultaneously, for a few people, this can also work as a coping mechanism. Trauma
survivors experience a loss of control and through hyper-independence, they might find a
way to regain their sense of the environment.
Women and men having such issues might go through major difficulties in life living with
other people. For example in a workplace, while having a group discussion, they might not
agree to something and can get frustrated as things didn’t work out the way they desired.
In a relationship too, whether it’s with a friend or partner, people with hyper-

independence might always make every decision on their own not caring or considering
what others want.

Hyper independence is definitely a trauma response. It is shocking how on some occasions
independence can be a problematic thing, as in the case of psychological trauma. Men and
women of such traits might appear to be ‘free’ in the world but they aren’t actually happy
because they feel the weight of being sad and alone.
There are different signs to determine if you really are hyper-independent or not. Some of
them are that:
You are private with your life, everyone has the right to keep their life and happenings
private but there is a difference between being a private person and isolating ourselves
completely from others.
Being a workaholic, hyper-independence tends to drive you crazy. You will keep yourself
busy 24/7 because you might be afraid to get out of your bubble and do something else.
You might keep yourself too engaged to even attend any other event or participate in any
plans.
Despising the ones who ask for help, leads to again running away from everyone. Neither
you want any help from someone, nor you would be willing to be with someone who needs
help. Other people might try to be close to you, and you can be too quick to shut them off.
Why? Because needing help might look like a weakness to you.
There are different approaches to handling hyper-independence. The most important ones
are:
1- Task; give someone tasks to do, even if you don’t require help with those. Start small
and build on those.
2- Trust; once the other person completes your task, a level of trust is built between
you and the said person.
3- Ask; once trust is built, you will feel more comfortable to ask for help in the future
too.
If you have experienced trauma or PTSD in the past, talk therapy also known as
psychotherapy may help work with thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Therapy aims to help
improve your relationships, and helps you develop healthy coping methods which can
ultimately move toward healing. Supporting a loved one who is going through hyper-
independence can be difficult but we should still check in with them. Let them know you
care about them, and that you are there for them when they need to talk to someone.
It’s okay if you are different because of past experiences that caused you pain. The only
thing that matters is you were able to handle it and deal with it your own way. However, it

won’t change you as a person. It can be dangerous to be independent but again there are
several ways you can make it work. Sometimes, it’s okay to let go and hold onto someone.
There are many mental health screening tests to like,
1- Anxiety test
2- Mood disorder test
3- Obsessive compulsive disorder test
4- Trauma test
When you enter a trauma treatment with someone professional, you may go through a
couple of benefits like less tension in your body, and comparatively less reactive towards
traumatic memories. It can also help you with stronger connections and relationships with
your friends and families which will ultimately help you in gaining more control over your
emotions and give you joy.
Trauma can be prevalent and since everyone is different, they might work through it
differently. Trauma is something that holds you within but it doesn’t have to control your
life. People require help sometimes and there is definitely no shame in asking or receiving
it.