We live in a world where you must have heard the N-word quite a lot of times. With the rise in selfie culture, people being obsessed with social media, reels, and basically anything that can get them fame, there’s no way you haven’t heard someone calling out someone else on being a “narcissist”. It is often used to describe a person who is full of themselves and believes the world revolves around them. However, if we talk about the literal psychological terms, narcissism is not just about self-love. At least not the type of self-love that is genuine and necessary even. Narcissism is an actual personality disorder that can be found in up to 5% of our population.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is self-involved to the point that they are in love with an idealized version of themselves. They believe this inflated self-image to be real to avoid the immense insecurity that they might feel. Narcissists are usually delusional and have a dysfunctional attitude that can be a lot harder for people around them to deal with.
What is a narcissistic personality disorder?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder or NPD is a type of personality disorder where a person develops an inflated self-image and a need for excessive attention and admiration from the people around them. They have troubled relationships and their sense of their own importance overtakes all other emotions. Narcissists also lack empathy for everyone else’s feelings.
People with NPD may come across as being selfish, manipulative, cocky, self-centered, demanding, attention-seeking, or patronizing. Their behavior can surface in every relation of their life and have an effect on their friendships, work, family, and love life.
Unfortunately, a lot of people go through their life without ever being diagnosed which causes distress to them and the people around them. Some of the most common traits of people suffering from NPD are:
- Seem perfect at first: They are friendly and very likable people who can easily become friends with others.
- Talk about themselves all the time: Narcissists are obsessed with themselves and can talk about themselves all the time.
- Sensitive to criticism: A narcissist will lash out at you the minute you disagree with them.
- Give backhanded compliments: They give backhanded compliments using careful wording that sounds like a compliment at first but turns out to be an insult.
- Manipulate your feelings: Narcissists are really good at making others feel bad about themselves.
Since narcissists have a tendency to turn the blame on others. In every situation, they can be very manipulating which makes people just go along with their senseless demands to avoid their rage. If you have someone around you with a narcissistic personality, it is really important you establish healthy boundaries to save yourself from their power plays and protect your mental health. However, if you are married to a narcissist, all of these things become even harder and more difficult.
How to Talk to a Narcissistic Husband:
The first question that comes to a reader’s mind might be why would you marry a narcissist? Well, firstly you might not be able to distinguish someone as a narcissist when you first meet them or even after a few months. It also does not help that narcissists are very charming and charismatic and it is really easy to fall for them and like them. Narcissists are also usually drawn to empathic people someone they can depend on.
The best way to talk to a narcissist is to start the conversation by praising them or using flattery to get on their good side. You can also provide an eager ear to them since narcissist love to talk and even repeat themselves continuously. Narcissists can easily notice when you start talking about yourself or take their attention from them to talk about your interests or desires.
However, if you are an empath, it can be characteristically easier for you to take the blame for everyone’s situation. You might even fear they will abandon you if you are not giving them attention or listening to their demands. Here is how you can talk try to talk to a narcissist to have a healthy and effective conversation:
- Share the Blame with Them: Narcissist never takes responsibility for their mistakes and if you try blaming them for anything, they will lash out at you in an instant. So, it is best to share the blame between you and your husband so that they do not feel targeted or attacked.
- Stay Calm: The best thing you can do to prevent the situation from deescalating is to stay calm. Keep a check on your emotions and do not start yelling to avoid an even bigger argument or a fight. Take a break to breathe and remove yourself from the situation for 5 minutes or more.
- Pick Your Battles: Narcissists are extremely sensitive to criticism and cannot take it constructively at all. Only bring up the things that are big and actually make a difference and let small things slide. Learn to let go of things that will bring nothing fighting over and will only cause conflict.
- Ask your Husband to Take Therapy: NPD can be treated if professional help is sought. Talk to your husband about seeing a therapist help so that your relationship becomes stable and you feel safer around him. A psychologist can help him cope with his struggles. You can also ask your husband to go with you to a couple’s therapy so he does not feel targeted or attacked.
If you have married someone who turned out to be a narcissist, you will have to put up a lot of effort to make sure you make yourself heard and seen while protecting your mental health. The most important thing to consider while talking to a narcissist is to be careful of your wording so that the narcissist does not feel they are being criticized or put on the spot. While taking to a narcissist, make them feel appreciated, praised, and acknowledged because that is what they expect from everyone around them.